Coward
by ultimate-phangirl
Summary: Two hobbits, a world apart, reflect on their decisions. (Sam/Frodo slash)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N So I rewatched the Return of the King this weekend and this happened.**

On the eternal shores of a far-off land, a pensive hobbit sat reflecting on his decisions. More specifically, his decision to travel to this land. He had grown accustomed to his new life, and yet – there were some things that he missed – or rather, some people.

He missed his cousins Merry and Pippin. He missed their laughter, and he missed their crazy shenanigans that always got them into so much trouble. But most of all, he missed Sam.

Frodo had tried to deny it, but in his heart he knew his feelings for the gardener had never really disappeared. It was just as if he had seen his old friend yesterday.

He had only had a simple crush on his friend when they left the Shire, but his feelings grew more and more as Sam continued to put himself in harm's way to protect Frodo. In fact, Frodo had even permitted himself to believe that Sam might have feelings for him.

But Sam had crushed Frodo's heart with a simple sentence – "If I was to marry anybody, it would've been her." Rosie Cotton, of course. The prettiest lass in the Shire. Then, after the marriage, Rosie never left Sam's side. As a result, Sam rarely visited Frodo and on the occasion that Frodo stopped by to see him, he was always with Rosie.

Frodo had been almost at the breaking point when he received the invitation to join Bilbo and the elves on their journey. Once he saw that Rosie (for once) wasn't with Sam at the shores, the realization finally hit him that this was it. This was the last time he would ever see Sam. A fist reached into his chest and clenched around his heart. He had no choice but to go – the wound of the Morgul-blade would never heal if he did not – but it was still painful that he was leaving to never return.

He took his mind off the impending farewell by listening to Gandalf's speech. Bu the end, he was the only one not in tears. For of course, he was not saying goodbye to Gandalf.

Gandalf turned to walk away, and Frodo knew.

"It is time, Frodo," said the wizard.

"What does he mean, it is time?" asked Sam, turning to Frodo.

"We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And it has been saved. But not for me."

"You don't mean that," Sam stated, the expression on his face breaking Frodo's heart. "You can't leave!"

_Oh, but I must – Sam, dearest Sam, don't you understand? I have no choice. I would like nothing better than to stay with you, but…_

Frodo managed to pull out his book, unfinished, waiting. "The last pages are for you, Sam."

He turned to his cousins. No words were needed to express how sorrowful they both were. He pulled them into a crushing embrace, all the while controlling his emotions so their last memory of him was not of a bleary-eyed, sniffling mess.

Releasing them, he turned back to Sam, and they pulled together for a last hug. _Do it! Now – tell him now. This is your last chance! But you don't want him to remember you as disgusting and repugnant… But if you don't do it now, he'll never know!_

Frodo's two sides warred within him, but eventually the coward in him won out, and he pulled away from Sam without making a confession. He pulled Sam's head down for a kiss on the forehead, savoring the contact for perhaps longer than was necessary, if only to feel Sam's skin under his lips for longer. Oh! If only to feel Sam's _lips_ – but that would never happen. It was too late now. _Coward! _his inner voice screamed at him, and it was true.

Frodo pulled away and took Gandalf's hand to board the vessel. He turned to face his companions for the last time. He smiled – a true, happy smile – for he knew that Sam would be content with Rosie, and Merry and Pippin – well, they would be content with each other.

As for Frodo, he would never feel the phantom pains of the Morgul-blade again. The only phantom pains he felt now were the pangs of his heart.

"Coward!" he cried to himself. He truly wished he could go back, change his mind, and tell Sam his feelings. For now he would be alone, alone for all eternity.

Alone, without his Sam.

Because he was a coward.


	2. Chapter 2

In a hole in the ground in a land called the Shire, there sat a Hobbit reflecting on his decisions. More specifically, his decision to marry. His life was fairly comfortable, and yet – it all felt wrong. For you see, he did not love the lass he was married to. He loved another.

For as long as Sam could remember, he had been terrified of rejection. He had always conformed to the normal, always done what he was told. So when he started to develop feelings for his master, who was a _boy_, well – it was like facing his worst fear.

But no matter what he did, his feelings for the hobbit only grew. When he found out that Mr. Frodo was going on an adventure, well, of course he had to follow. After all, he had made a promise to never leave Frodo.

He continued to put himself in harm's way to save Frodo, keeping it all under the pretense of his promise. If there was one thing he would never do, it was reveal his feelings. Even when faced with death, he had kept up the façade of being a perfectly normal, _straight _hobbit, saying, "If I was to marry anybody, it would've been her." Rosie Cotton, of course. The maid he pretended to love.

When they had returned the Shire, he had continued to court her and eventually married her. He hated himself, hated that he would go to such great lengths to seem normal. He had thought it would be fine, though – that he would still be able to visit Frodo all the time, but Rosie stuck to him like glue. She never let him go anywhere without her, and so he rarely had the chance to visit Frodo. But he never let his annoyance and frustration show.

When he finally managed to get away from her, it was at the shores, to say goodbye to Bilbo. But he had never dreamed that Frodo would be leaving too until Gandalf had said, "It is time, Frodo."

He'd asked what Gandalf meant. Frodo had answered.

"You don't mean that!" Sam said, for once letting his true emotions show, on his face and in his words. "You can't leave!" _You can't leave _me!

He saw a flurry of emotions pass through his master's eyes that he was sure was mirrored in his own. Frodo pulled out his book and handed it to Sam. "The last pages are for you, Sam."

He barely saw Frodo move on to hug Merry and Pippin. Sadness overwhelmed him. Tears spilled out of his eyes as Frodo turned back to him and pulled him in for one last hug. _Come on, tell him! It's your last chance. Tell him now, you coward! _But of course, he didn't say a word.

Suddenly Frodo pulled Sam down and pressed his lips to Sam's forehead. His breath hitched. Was it possible that Frodo… As Frodo pulled away, Sam searched his eyes. They were unreadable. _Now it's too late! _Frodo turned and boarded the boat, and Sam's heart broke a little.

Frodo turned one last time and offered them a parting smile. Sam couldn't bring himself to smile back.

Now, reflecting on the scene, he realized he would do anything just to go back and tell Frodo, "Coward!" he whispered to himself.

He jumped as the door swung open. Rosie entered the room. "Sam, dear, are you alright?"

"Yes, Rosie, I'm fine." _No you're not._

She turned his face so he was forced to look in her eyes. "I love you, Sam Gamgee." She smiled and left the room.

On the eternal shores of a far-off land, a solitary hobbit whispered the same words, but the one they were intended for did not – could not – hear them. And in a hole in the ground in a land called the Shire, there sat a hobbit who was alone.

Surrounded by family, but alone.

Alone, without his Frodo.

Because he was a coward.


End file.
